Thursday, December 16, 2010

Relationship #024

I meant to post this on Tumblr but I think I'm going to ditch that site since it's been so unstable recently that, forget it, not worth it.

See what I meant to be posting about was one of those little things in a relationship that can turn everything upside down if not managed correctly. It's: "Forget it" (nono, don't stop reading yet, this IS the topic!).

When you're told to forget something, can you? Not really. Thoughts pass through our mind all the time, at the speed of light, maybe even faster, what makes them stick, is repeating them. So if I tell you something you will think this thought through once, unless I return there, you'll forget about it. But if I tell you to forget it, you will not only think of the thought again, but start thinking about it, creating connections between that thought and other thoughts. You will start wondering: "Why does he want me to forget? What could possible be the reason that something that doesn't matter has to be forgotten? That means it means something, right?" Once you connect a thought to your other thoughts it's no longer just a thought (that's a lot of thoughts, I know), thus creating a memory. Memories are hard to get rid of, they can stick for months, years or a lifetime. If it's a worry, it will stick until resolved and be added to the pile of resolved issues that you no longer worry about.

Worries, are essentially bad memories, created by thoughts that should have been forgotten but the human brain wants to solve problems, or challenges if you want.

In a relationship this all sums up to: If you don't want problems, don't make them. Either let it slip, or solve the problem right away, or you will get all the negative effects you most likely already know comes from worrying. Sad, but true.